Why pregnancy is like fight club...

As most of you will know by now, I am pleased to say that Baby Arabian Notes arrived safely, but reluctantly, 13 days late after almost 42 weeks in February 2015. The final weeks of my pregnancy felt, at times, very much like ‘fight club’, and here’s why…

I was told about this from friends who’d already had kids, that there would come a time in my pregnancy when I’d just want to get the baby out. It was hard to imagine at the time in the early days, I mean I was so pleased to be pregnant and felt so blessed, all I wanted was for my bump to get bigger so I could get past the questionable ‘is she fat or pregnant?’ stage. And don’t get me wrong, 30 or so weeks later at a hip straining 41 weeks that I thought were never going to end, of course I was still so happy and blessed to be pregnant – but I’m sure anyone who’s already had kids will understand – there comes a stage where you reach that point, the point in your pregnancy that I like to think of as ‘Fight Club’...

Let me explain – exactly as per the film, the first rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club, and the second rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club! And once you’ve hit that stage, late in your pregnancy, you’ll likely wish people wouldn’t talk about pregnancy – yours or otherwise! I know everyone’s excited and they all mean well but, well, it just gets exhausting. It’s probably the closest I will ever come to being famous, but without the fun side of fame, like the money and the parties, and the fabulous clothes. It’s like being famous with all the fun stuff stripped away and being left with only the really annoying bits, like being constantly hounded by the paparazzi. You wouldn’t believe the things people say or ask! “Are you STILL pregnant?!” acquaintances you’ve not seen in a while exclaim, whilst friends and family all want to recount their tales of “oh, when I was pregnant…” which more often than not contain the most excruciating and horrifying details which will remain embedded on your brain in your final gestating days – of course the time when you need this least. And even when the responses don’t include horror stories, but well intended tales of, “oh, I had XYZ and it was fine”, or “why don’t you want XYZ?” it’s just still not helpful. I’d done my research and been to my parenting education classes just the same as you no doubt did, and came to my own conclusions and made the decisions that I felt were right for me and my baby, just the same way I’m sure you did too. Those decisions may not have been the same as yours, but that’s ok, we’re all different and each to their own, right?

Questions about due dates and ‘how long to go now?’ may seem innocent yet all they do is reinforce unfounded and unnecessary negative thoughts and fears about the baby being late, that when perhaps baby doesn’t come on time that maybe there’s a problem. There are enough pressures to contend with at the late stages, not least negotiating with the hospital to avoid unnecessary medical interventions when both myself and baby were in excellent health - this is where midwives are your friend and doctors not always… So please don’t focus on when (or how) a baby will come – the baby will come when the baby is good and ready - and have no fear - of course it won’t be a secret when baby does arrive!

It might be hard for some to understand, and I understand that people have the best intentions, but all a heavily pregnant mama needs so late in pregnancy is support, calm and positivity, back rubs, foot massages, cups of tea (raspberry leaf of course!), and often, to talk about anything except the fact that there’s a tiny human growing inside of her. Well-intended advice or stories just don’t offer any positive benefits at the final furlong – your experience is yours and yours alone, just allow others to experience and create theirs, so remember:

‘The first rule of fight club is – you do not talk about fight club. The second rule of fight club is – you do not talk about fight club’…